Three things I love about fall: leaves changing, spiced cider, and going to pick pumpkins with my privates exposed. It’s like Grandma used to say: “If the families at the pumpkin patch didn’t wanna see your vulva, they should’ve thought of that before they left the house.” …….wait – what?

Check out that photo. WHO THE HELL WEARS THIS TO A PUBLIC PUMPKIN-PICKING PATCH? (I like alliteration – can you tell?) Perhaps this girl thought it was the “pubic” pumpkin patch. Either way, when we can see your patch…..your shorts are too short. Tip of the iceberg as far as this photo’s concerned.

In case you’re wondering – this is Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison (the 51 year-old creepenstein actor who married the 17 year-old fruitcake degenerate wannabe country singer). They showed up at a Hollywood Hills pumpkin patch over the weekend, and proceeded to passionately make out and strike various poses. Shockingly enough, PEOPLE COMPLAINED! I know – prudes, right?! I mean, folks should realize that when they bring their children to a public family place, there’s a good chance they might see a horny couple fornicating.

After several angry parents lodged complaints with the owners, Courtney and Doug were told to leave. Booooo! Poor things. Now they are horny AND pumpkinless. I am troubled by this. They were OBVIOUSLY profiled, because no one else got asked to leave that day – all THEY did was show love. And isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Love? Gross, inappropriate, disrespectful to your surroundings love?

Courtney’s parents say people are out to get her because they’re just jealous of how beautiful she is. They’re right. I know I’M jealous. I wish I had such a vast expanse of mental vacancy that I could show up at a family-themed business, dressed like a porn fluffer, and dry hump my wrinkly perv husband while children watched and see absolutely no problem with this. That would be suuuuuper. Cuz thinking is SUCH a drag.

Lemme know how I can make that happen. Til that day, I’ll sit here stewing in my hateful jealousy. Drowning in common sense. Writhing in respect for my fellow humans. Poor Lissa.

Poor, poor, pumpkinless Lissa….

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Thank you, Perez Hilton, for giving me this photo. Ya gotta admit – she's an expert poser! Sommmmmebody's been practicing in the mirror!

Last week we spent some time on the air talking about Lissa’s friend that suspects her boyfriend is cheating on her.  The friend has decided to confront the other woman.

Personally, I think this is a dumb idea.  What is to be gained by calling the other woman out?  Does it make any difference if the guy cheated once, or if this has been going on for a year?

Lots of you disagreed.

Here’s just some of the texts we got on this hot topic:  Confronting the other woman…good or bad idea?

~Rock

Absolutely not -​ just walk away its not worth the energy or emotion. Once a cheater always a cheater.

I confronted the girl. It ended in hospital visits.

I met the other woman for coffee because I had a feeling she didn’t know…she didn’t..he was playing both of us…divorced now and she kicked him to the curb.

She should talk to her because maybe she doesnt know and she will dump his cheating ass too.

I would confront the other women! What if she really has no idea, if I was the other woman and had no idea I would want to be confronted!

If she does do it, don’t tell the other woman she is his girlfriend until she gets her info.

Let it go. Move on.

As someone who has been on the receiving end of the cheater, I also wanted details. All I did was torture myself emotionally. I found myself wondering why he wanted her instead of me. Years later he told me it had nothing to do with me, it was his insecure nature. I think she knows all she needs to know.

In the state of PA it is illegal to record someone without their consent i would not advise your friend to record this man.

If they are married then approach the husband, if just dating LEAVE him ALONE. Drop him like it’s hot.

If your friend can remain calm, then it’s a great idea but if she even has the slightest thought that she will lose it, then don’t do it. I agree to more info before she approaches her.

I did confront the other woman and it didn’t make me feel any better. In fact it made me feel a thousand times worse.

I’d ask the girl! You will most likely to get the true story from her, cause he’s not going admit anything…and I’d want to know details.

My husband cheated on me and I found out who it was. I contacted her and I was nice to her as much as it killed me, because u can catch more flies with honey. well she sang like a bird and it turns out he was lying to us both. He is with her now and I have the satisfaction of lmao because he is miserable!

I have confronted the other girl. she didnt know he had a gf. we both confronted him. he walked away with no gf!

I feel where your friend is coming from BUT if it’s over just let it be. It is what it is! Finding out details will only make it harder to get over the situation.

I did confront the other woman because she used to be one of my best friends and she lied to my face about it.

If that was me I’d absolutely ask the other girl details so when I broke up with him I could throw it all in his face. Use it as ammunition.

Absolutely confront her!  Not to fight but to be your own personal satisfaction. May show him that she, his girlfriend , is not a pushover.

Do NOT let her confront the girl. My last relationship ended because he cheated. I too wanted answers and it was worse knowing than if I would have just let it go. Karma had a way of giving him what he deserves.

Let it go. He cheated for a reason so why start trouble? Would u want him back? Of course not.

This Saturday night is our annual Ghost Hunt.  Earlier today I received a message from Crystal, the owner of the house where our investigation will be taking place.  She relayed the conversation she had today with Kevin from the Central PA Paranormal Research Association and his psychic partner Jo.  Here’s the message–

Today I talked to Kevin and his psychic. To say that we were all excited (and very creeped out) would be an understatement!!!

I was giving Kevin some info on the house and out of nowhere the psychic that was with him started telling me things that there is no possible way they could have known. Even I had to think about some of it for a minute.

She (psychic) said that there’s a room that no one can get to…the attic. She saw it, not me. She also talked to both my Grandmother and I believe both of my great Grandmothers. She saw the dog that my great Grandmother had and said that it is still with her, which explains what my dog is playing with. She also told me what my dog looks like. She saw my daughter and told me things that there’s no way for her to have known about!

My Grandmother gave her messages to pass to me.  At the time this started I got a bad chill. I asked if she was sitting next to me and the psychic said yes. My great Grandmother was Catholic and made some sort of bread in a basket that was only given at holidays or in time of need, she presented to the psychic with the basket.

All of us, my husband, Kevin, myself and the psychic were all saying holy s*&$! This went on for a good half hour before they ‘left’. They also saw a male clock maker which would have been my great-great Grandfather. She saw the Indian burial grounds and even the horses on the property that are now buried (remember how long this property has been here, that’s what they used to do). They knew about the scratching on the walls (you can’t paint here) and said that it would continue to happen and may get worse.

Today both me and my husband’s phone, after this call, will not hold a charge, even though mine is plugged in it keeps shutting off and saying “good bye”.

They said there was a murder here, so I am investigating that. According to Kevin and the psychic this does not happen much if at all. So to say that the 29th will be interesting is quite the understatement!!!

They didn’t even have to be here for them to see them!!! They also know that there are multiple people here. I have decided to wear a diaper that night as I am sure that I am going to crap myself!

One last thing. I was on the phone with Kevin who was relaying messages between me and the psychic. At one point the psychic was talking to my Grandmother, I told Kevin “I’m going to cry” and the psychic repeated the same sentence from the other side. How to explain this is beyond me….. but for we are now looking for a new house and we in the meantime are probably staying at a hotel!!!!

Crystal

I got this phone call from my big brother Jason a year ago today:

Ben teaching Aunt Lissa to read

Ben's party! Sara & her parents are to the left – my bro (Jason) and our parents are to the right – YAY for young grandparents!

KISSES! (as with most men I kiss…..he looks relatively distracted)

MY FAVORITE PIC OF THE WEEKEND!

Me & my mommy

Ben, big brother Jason, Me, younger brother Andy – Ben looks like he's trying to get away, no?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIDDO!….your aunt's a doofus.

We were talking about Lindsay Lohan showing up late for her first day of morgue duty.  This comes just a day after she got a nice tongue lashing from an LA judge that revoked her probation.

“I’m sorry for the confusion that I may of caused to those at the Coroner’s office. Won’t happen again, now I know where to go!” Lohan apologetically tweeted Thursday.

When is Lindsay going to learn?  And how many second chances is this girl going to get?  You committed the crime, now do the time.

That was the gist of what we said on the air.

And then one of our listeners responded with this text–

I am sorry but I am growing tired of people bashing Lindsay Lohan. She is someone’s daughter and even if she is a star she needs our help and support. What if it was Rocky’s son?  Would you make fun of him or try to help?

Ok, we may have made fun of her makeup a bit, but she made herself an easy target.  If that’s bashing, so be it.

But let’s be real people.  It’s time for some tough love.  When was the last time someone said “No!” to Lindsay?  I’m thinking the word doesn’t exist in her world.

If it WAS my son, sure I’d be there to support him…IN THE BEGINNING.  But if things ever got to this point, I’d tell the judge to haul him off to County lockup.  I would love him just the same but would still want him to learn from his mistake and then get on with his life.

Your comments are welcome.

We found out today that we have a bunch of FREAKS that listen to the show!  Actually, we all have our little fears.  Here’s the full list of UNSCARY THINGS that we’re afraid of…

Rock—twins, clowns, dolls with eyes that move
Sue—balloons, mousetraps, jello
Lissa—mice, big dogs, wrinkles

What UNSCARY THING are YOU afraid of???

 –I’m afraid of driving threw tunnels And riding in elevators. I completely freak out!!!

–Butterflies

–Scared to death of pigeons! Always afraid they’ll peck at me

–Feet creep me out.

–Coffee cup lids at mini marts I always have to take from the bottom of the stack

–I’m terrified of miniature items. Tiny candy bars, small condiment bottles; hotel room bottles scare me beyond belief. I’m afraid munchkins from oz will get me… Those little tiny things are theirs, I know it.

–I am deathly afraid of ketchup. I cant even look at the bottle. I have no clue why but it is so funny tomy fiance that he will hold a bottle near my face just to show people.

–Elevators… gonna get. Stuck in it or cable will break.

–I’m afraid of throwing up so much that I hate leaving my house.

–I’m afraid of attics. I don’t care if they’re finished or not. It all stems from being a kid and getting stung by bees at my childhood home..

–White vans especially with no windows

–The refrigerated dough that POPS when you open it! Just freaks me out.

–I’m scared of mounted deer heads bc no matter where u move in the room when they r on the wall it always looks like they r looking at you!

–I’m afraid of sitting on public toilets and touching anything in public restrooms

–Library books. I don’t know where those books have been.

–Porcelain dolls creep me out!

–I am terrified of garden knomes. I once saw a movie where they come alive in the dark and if they catch you they squish you and you’re stuck like that forever. Stupid I know but I’m scared.

–I’m afraid of throwing up

–I am afraid of roosters just don’t like their beaks and that red thing on their head and under their neck

–I can’t open rolls of biscuits because I’m afraid of it popping open in my hand. I make my kids open them

–People who make balloon animals.

–Sufficating under the blankets on my bed. I wont put the blankets over my head need fresh air!

–Scared of hand can openers.. one attacked my hand last year severing the artery nerve and tendon in thumb.

–I’m terribly afraid of the movie theater!  I just hate being around so many people when I really can’t see they’re faces! It’s scary!

If you’re a regular listener to the show, then you know about my love for the state of Ohio.  I graduated from Ohio U in Athens, my son lives in Kent and I’ve been a fan of the Cleveland Browns and Indians all my life.  But it’s time Ohio gets out of the dark ages and does something about their exotic animal laws.

By now you’ve seen the images or heard the 911 calls:  Exotic animals let loose in Ohio by their owner.  49 of these were shot and killed.

“It’s like Noah’s Ark wrecking right here in Zanesville, Ohio,” said Jack Hanna, former director of the Columbus Zoo.

I’ve been asking myself a few questions today.

Why are we allowed to have exotic animals as pets?

The owner of these beasts claimed to have been an animal lover.  Why did he think it was ok to take them out of their natural habitat and put them in cages for his own selfish reasons?

Anyone know where I can get a Bengal Tiger?

All kidding aside, how was this so-called animal lover able to assemble such a menagerie of wild animals?  Who did he call?  How were these animals brought into the country?

It was a tragic ending to a very sad story.  But it could’ve ended much worse.

These animals should have never even been put in this situation.  They are WILD animals, and should remain in the wild.  No so-called animal lover should be given the opportunity to turn his backyard into a makeshift zoo for his own enjoyment.

Wakeup Ohio!

~Rock

After I rid myself of the mouse problem, I decided it was time to tackle my NEXT big infestation: the shoe closet. I don’t know how many of you ladies have this issue, but apparently I black out when I shoe shop. I purchase footwear I don’t need and then collapse in a pile of slingbacks and espadrilles, only to awaken drooly and woozy, remorseful for what I’ve done.

My closet has no less than EIGHT pairs of spiky platform stiletto heels – all over six inches tall! Not kidding. I’ve worn exactly two pairs. One for a photo shoot, and one for a costume party. So basically, I only care about being sexy if I’m getting photographed or pretending to be someone else. How telling. After each experience I wanted to kill myself and be buried in a fleece-lined moccasin. So why do I keep buying these things? Am I stocking up for the inevitable day my DJ career goes in the pooper and I hafta turn tricks to pay bills? Hopefully not. Am I afraid there’ll be another Northeast Pennsylvania flood and I’m VERY concerned about my heels being much much dryer than my toes? Do I think I’ll be accosted by Playboy photographers, begging to take my impromptu picture, but ONLY if I can prove I’m centerfold material by brandishing slut shoes and boycotting the usage of three syllable words? Or am I just crazy?

I think we all know the answer.

No chick needs this many stilettos. Correction: no chick WHO IS ALREADY 5’7” AND ISN’T A HOOKER needs this many stillettos! So I gave away five pair. I tried not to offend my girlfriend when I offered them to her – cuz how do you say to somebody “Hey! I think you’re trampy enough to wear these on a regular basis! Could you give ‘em the mileage they deserve?”  

But actually, she was thrilled. She’s only 5’2”. And doesn’t have any extra money for hoochie shoes – so there ya go.

A good deed was done. A closet was purged. And my ten little piggies breathed a humungous sigh of relief. But I reserve the right to whip out at least ONE remaining pair for Halloween (aka Slutty Girl Christmas). Cuz it’s supposed to be a scary holiday. And if you can think of anything scarier than trying to walk whilst under the influence of alcohol and wearing six inch hooker heels, fire away. Unless you’re Stephen King, you ain’t got sh!t.

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I’ve been meeting with Tom at Engle Eyewear in Wilkes-Barre the past few days.  He and his wife Renee have an amazing selection of one-of-a-kind designer glasses.  And that’s the problem.  They have so many cool looking shades, it’s hard to decide.

Here’s my final 4 picks.  Which ones do you think I should go with?

I think I’ve already made my decision, but I’d appreciate any input.

Thanks!

Rock

#1

#2

#3

#4

Let me know of your pick in the comment section below.

It’s bad enough that in the last week I’ve seen a hypodermic needle, a broken gin bottle, and a used condom all on my sidewalk.  NOW….. I caught a MOUSE in my house! Ewwww!!! What if the mouse is responsible for all that crap on my sidewalk? What if I just caught myself a giant heroin addicted, drunken, slut mouse? If so – sweet. Problem solved.

I swear to God sometimes my neighborhood is a testing grounds for sociological experimentation. It’s like “how many ghetto stereotypes can we cram into a five block radius?” What’s a normal neighborhood? Ten or fifteen? If so, I think we can crack thirty! Yeah! We’re number one!!

But now in addition to my enchanting human potpourri, I’ve got VERMIN! Yay!

I freaked out when I first saw this mouse Friday afternoon. I was supposed to be napping, but I couldn’t sleep knowing he was near me. I set four mouse traps and proceeded to lie there awake (with the covers carefully piled on top of me so they didn’t dangle off the bed) til I heard a *SNAP*!!

I ran over to check it. Sure enough, dead mouse. Happy Lissa. Kay. But then……ohhhhh then…..um….who’s gonna dispose of this thing? I texted my dad – “Daddy!!! I just killed a mouse in a snappy trap! When will you be over to collect him?”  Of course I was being foolish cuz my parents live in Michigan, and they’re obviously not driving to PA just so their nutjob daughter doesn’t hafta touch a mouse trap. But he texted right back “Ha – on my way”. Oooo. Smartass.

My mom texted a couple “Fred Bear” references (wouldn’t Nugent be proud?) and told me to just throw away the whole trap, mouse and all. So that’s what I did. I put on rubber gloves, used plastic tongs to pick the damn thing up, and threw it in the trash. Then I threw out the tongs AND the gloves and placed my trash immediately on the curb. I’m still having trouble sleeping in my house. Varmints gimme the heebie jeebies! I can’t shake the feeling that they’re setting up little villages in my walls. A whole colony of heroin addicted drunken slut mice. Ah well, at least they’re quieter than the human ones.

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