I didn’t intentionally wake up to watch the royal wedding . . . but my subconscious apparently wanted me to see it because I was UP. I first woke up at 2am and changed the channel to NBC, where the royal wedding would be later. I went back to sleep and then randomly woke up all bright eyed just as Kate was walking down the isle. Wow. Her dress – incredible! I loved watching the ceremony – although, it seemed like they were bored to tears. I wouldn’t want to bore people at my wedding . . . but I guess they had to follow most traditions.

Ah – so stunning! They look so happy! I’m so glad my internal clock woke me up . . . now let’s hope I can make it through the day after missing a couple hours of sleep! Tonight’s the Avenged Sevefold/Three Days Grace show! I loveeee Three Days Grace! And tomorrow is FINALLY Kickin It For Music 2! All of the details are on our homepage – just $5 and you can see The Ready Set, Downtown Fiction, and Hot Chelle Rae all perform and play kickball with us! So pumped! Hope to see you there!!! Have a great weekend!

At The Colosseum last night I walked up to the bar to get a drink and stood behind a big tough dude who looked like Common (that’s a rapper, in case you live in a cave). Muscular, tattooed, gorgeous. He was talking to a Ronnie from Jersey Shore lookalike. I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. I would give a kerzillion dollars to know what precipitated their exchange, but I caught the tail end of one of the WEIRDEST sentences I’ve ever heard in a nightclub:

 “Naw, man, ya gotta put the chocolate chips in AFTER the pancake batter’s ON THE GRIDDLE! Come ON!” And then they both laughed hysterically. Hahaaaa…..pancake batter?

Why the hell would two of the manliest specimens I’ve ever seen inside Scranton city limits be discussing PANCAKES on a Thursday night at The Colosseum Nightclub? I must know this.

Maybe it’s some kind of disgusting new slang that I just haven’t heard yet. Chocolate chips could be code for genitalia or something. And the batter is…..um….never mind.

Anyway – AVENGED SEVENFOLD CONCERT TONIGHT!!!!! Woooo hoooo! Be there or kindly be square. Devil horns up….. DE-NEET!!!!

And tomorrow…..1pm……“Kickin’ It For Music 2” at the Scandlon Center! All ages. Five bucks. Watch us play kickball against a bunch of awesome bands and then they put on a concert following our crushing defeat. All proceeds benefit local high schools’ Music & Arts programs (and without Music & Arts, my own high school experience would’ve been empty and excruciating. Moreso……So let’s get these kids some money dammit!) THANKS IN ADVANCE!!

Have a great weekend – be safe!

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The ROYAL WEDDING is FINALLY over! And of course, you want to remember this cherished event in some other country’s history, right?

And what better way to remember royalty than with tacky products featuing the loving couple.

Here’s some of my faves…

The perfect phone when you friends call you over for tea & crumpets.

And if you’re having tea, naturally you need these two floating in your cup!

Imagine seeing this in your kitchen first thing in the morning.

And what kid wouldn’t want candy served up out of the necks of William & Kate?

 Thank you Papa John for providing us with the cheesiest of all Royal Wedding items.

Today started off kind of crappy because it was SCARY driving in the monsoons of down pouring sheets of rain . . . but it’s turning out to be a not so bad day. Have you ever had itchy/ticklish ears because you’re sick . . . and the only way to give them some kind of relief is to cough? It’s a really strange feeling and well, i’m coughing without needing to cough, all day long, just to “itch” my ears. That might sound weird to those of you who haven’t experienced it – but I know those of you who have are totally with me.

I have a hair appointment tomorrow morning at Rejuvenessence and i’m thinkingggggg that i’m gonna go a little blonder. Personally, i’m not into the bleach blonde look . . . but I like being a bit blonder than I am now.  The problem – I keep looking for an EXAMPLE picture to show the girl, but I can’t find anything fun to use! I’m either going to go in with wishful thinking and Victorias Secret catalog or wing it.

The sun is finally shining! Soak it up!

I just found out that you don’t hafta pay tolls on the turnpike if you go through the booth in a wet t-shirt. Yeah. Weird, huh? Mother Nature made me conduct this experiment. It only works if there’s a dude inside the booth though – change machine doesn’t really care either way. I went out in this hurricane and managed to get completely soaked in under two minutes.

The toll booth guy looked at me, looked at my drenched torso “You’re good darlin’….. Go ahead.”

Haaaa – sweet. A dollar ten saved. I can always tell how cute I’m looking (or not looking) by whether or not I get a toll booth freebie. Today surprised me – really. I think I look like hairy roadkill. Especially since I never went to bed last night (whoops….. but it was worth it – “Concert For A Cause” ROCKED!)

I stayed up all night after the concert because I hafta be up each day by 2am anyhow, sooooo…..after driving a very intoxicated K-Mak (lovable KRZ overnight guy) back to his castle in Nanticoke, I just decided to stick it out.

I am very much regretting that decision now. I am Zombie Lissa. Crabby, blinky, feasting on the good moods of others…… I feel bad for Rocky & Sue today. I plan to repay them by sparing their lives when I go on my apnea-fueled zombie rampage. That’s the least I can do.

 This afternoon I get to sleep for six hours and then I’m at The Colosseum with Coors Light from 9pm to 11pm – stop by! I’m giving away N.E.R.D. tickets!…….and hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. Not kidding. Try me. I may or may not devour your soul (zombies are wacky like that).

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Me with my gorgeous friend Cami at "Concert For A Cause"! Love her!

By now you may have learned that i’m a little bit obsessed with gift wrap and finding the PERFECT card for every occassion. I’ve even gone so far as to start writing my own greeting card line because it seems like there aren’t enough cards to express REAL people’s thoughts. Like, the love ones always go from “I love getting to know you” to “I’m madly in love with you and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” The first one isn’t deep enough and the second one makes you look like a crazy person. The card thing is just a little hobby for me for now and I haven’t kicked it into actual action yet – but someday – you can count on it. Long live tangible greeting cards! I don’t even open E-cards!

Anyway, I was looking for good Mother’s Day cards this morning and found these !! Taylor Swift’s line of greeting cards! All Mother’s Day ones! I bought one, but it’s not for my mom. My friend will be getting it next week. Thankfully, she doesn’t read this blog and if she does, well, Happy Mother’s Day!

I WICKED loved The Voice last night and judging your facebook comments, many of you did as well! I don’t know, it just seems so much COOLER than American Idol  and I love the dynamic of the “coaches” not being able to see the contestants. Love love love it!

Oh and following up from yesterday – I am going to try feathers in my hair! We’re having new KRZ pictures taken next week and i’m going to have them for that day. Fingers crossed that they look cute!

Picture this: I’m at Walmart. Checkout counter. Six people in line behind me. Cashier “Lucy” is chatty. I mean CHAT-TEE!!! And nosy! She’s asking questions about literally every item I’m purchasing. I have dread in my stomach because I know I have several gym-related items in my basket (sports bra, socks, deodorant, body wash, ponytail holders, etc.) and I know it’s only a matter of time til she manhandles each of those things and says something weird like “Hm. Deoderant. Is this cuz you smell like monkey farts? Are you a person who smells like monkey farts? Big juicy monkey farts?….” (I jest of course, but you never know. People like Lucy make me uncomfortable.)

So I plopped my stuff down. Sure enough, within seconds she goes “Hey. Ya know what I do? Sometimes I wear TWO sports bras because I sweat right through the first one and it gets loose. That’s what I do. You ever do that?”

 “Um….nnnno.” I was almost whispering. I could feel my face getting red. I frantically started swiping my debit card. I WANTED to say: “Ya know what I do? I mind my own f%#king business. That’s what I do…” But decided against it.

Then…….I hate to even re-live this, but something unspeakable happened: Lucy actually STOPPED WORKING so she could continue our little conversation! STOPPED!!! WORKING!!!! No more checking out. No more beepy thingy. She was actually holding my deodorant and using it to gesture to me. “Well you probably don’t hafta worry about that –you’re not old and FAT like me! Hawhawhaw!!!”

AAAAAA!!! What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

I wanted to crawl outta my skin. People are staring and rolling their eyes at this point – I’m praying to God silently: “Lord…. please kill me by dropping one of these fluorescent lights on my head or use your unfathomable omnipotence to make her resume work. I beg of you. Oh……. and the world peace thing.”

My prayer worked. I finished up and bolted outta that store faster than a sperm outta Kevin Federline.

When I got to my car, I noticed my cheeks were bright red. Why is it that I can be in front of thousands of people in an audience and not be nervous at all, but when a nosy cashier asks me a couple personal questions, I feel like I wanna die?

I’ll tell you what I THINK it is: I think I’m connected to other humans on a whole different level. I was actually feeling bad for every other person in that checkout line, because I knew they felt bad for me. I was uncomfortable because THEY were uncomfortable. THEY were uncomfortable because they could tell I was uncomfortable. It’s circular.

And I hafta say, more than ANYTHING else – I felt bad for Lucy. Cuz God love her, she’s just NEVER gonna have adequate social skills. She’s fifty (at least) and I doubt that ANY person ANYWHERE has EVER looked forward to a conversation with her. She will forever be avoided at dinner parties. And I bet she doesn’t even notice…………. Yet she noticed I bought TWO different brands of toothpaste…….Yeah. People are strange.

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Have you heard?  Some radio sales guy from Minnesota is now earning 6 figures a year for making duck noises!

The father of 3 beat out over 12,000 hopefuls to become the new voice of the Aflac duck.  Not a bad gig for quacking.  If there’s an easier job, I can’t think of it.

Here’s Uncle Quacker’s audition tape–

And if you missed it during THE VOICE last night, here’s Sir Quack-a-lot in his first ever TV spot–

I remember as a kid how excited I was on game day.  I’d polish my spikes then put on my Little League uniform.  Mine said BPOE Elks on the front.  I didn’t know what that meant, only that someone was nice enough to sponsor our team.

I knew I’d never be a big league ballplayer, but it didn’t matter on game day.  All I had to do was put on that uniform and I felt just like a Major Leaguer.

I was reminded of my Little League days this morning when we were talking about the reported arson at the Little League complex in Stroud Township.  The project was just 2 months away from completion…a project paid for by donations that took 6 years to collect.  And now, nothing is left.

WNEP talked to Little Leaguer Cody Yarnell.

“When you attack little league baseball, that’s an attack on our community and that’s just wrong,” he said.

The 12 year old is dead on.  And I certainly hope the jack-hole(s) responsible think about that.  Think about the 650 kids with big league dreams like mine—dreams you stomped on with your stupidity.

Instead of jail time, make it their punishment to raise money to have the complex rebuilt. I’d like to see them cut grass, clean parks, wash cars and do whatever it takes to have the complex replaced.

Anyone with information about the fire is asked to call Monroe County Crimestoppers at 1-866-370-1518.

A reward of $2000 is being offered.

I read an article about the Royal Wedding (please don’t roll your eyes, i’m enjoying the real life fairytale and people keep bursting my bubble) and it said Kate Middleton plans on doing her own makeup for the wedding. At first I was surprised because I assumed she would have the best of everything for her big fancy day. Then I put myself in her shoes and honestly, I NEVER like my makeup when someone else does it. Maybe i’ve just had some not so great Glamour Shot experiences that involved red lip stick and big-freaking-hair, but I think when the day comes, i’ll probably do my own makeup too.

So, on your big day, did you get your makeup done or do it yourself?