I’m probably REALLY late on this fascination, but OH MY GOSH who knew it was so much fun to track UPS orders online??!?! I don’t order many things online that I need right away. Unfortunately, my closet and local stores weren’t bringing it when it came to New Year’s Eve dresses and I resorted to online shopping for clothes. Something I really never do. Monday night I ordered a lace dress from UrbanOutfitters.com and had it 2 day shipped. Since NYE is tomorrow night, I was in a bit of panic about the timing of the package arrival, so i’ve been checking in on the UPS tracking and OH MY FREAKING GOSH it is SO MUCH FUN to see where the package has been, where it’s going, what time it left that city, and where it is now. Thankfully, my package arrived this morning and I like the dress JUST AS MUCH in person as I did online, so it’s a WIN! By the way – that website has some REALLY cute stuff at very affordable prices. It’s MANY steps above Forever 21 in so many ways. I’m so excited for New Year’s Eve! I’m getting my hair blown out at Sa-ka-ri tomorrow afternoon and then a bunch of us are getting together for hibachi before we go out for the night. Mmm! That’s good because starting the next day, i’m going to attempt a high protein, no sugar diet.  Sugar is a killer.

51% of women polled said out of all celebs they would want to kiss Ryan Reynolds at midnight on NYE this year . . . i’m finding myself pretty lucky that Boyfriend is his lookalike. Score.

BTW – thanks to my friend Tanya who hooked me up with this AMAZING and awesomely festive for NYE nail color that i’ll be rocking tomorrow! It’s called Lucerne-Tainly Look Marvelous and i’m pretty sure she found it at Ulta.

Ew. Another day, another stranger on Facebook asking me to send him naked photos of myself. Blech! Who ARE these guys? And why are they allowed to own computers? Buddy, I don’t know you. I have no desire to show you my boobs. There are plenty of real-life guys (maybe even some here at KRZ – ha!) that would gladly take a gander if I spontaneously staged a nip slip.

Sir, I think the most offensive part is that you think I’m dumb enough to do this JUST because you tell me I’m beautiful. C’mon, I know what you’re trying to do there! That is SO not a compliment. Oh wait…..you think I’m purdy?! Gosh, sorry, I didn’t hear you the first time. Let me just fork over a giant JPEG of my girlie bits, and would you like my paycheck as well? How about my car? My jewelry? Riiiight.

And they always say “I promise not to show anybody.” Ohhhhhh, good! Cuz YOU are the one stranger I would WANT looking at my nether-regions. But no other strangers. Cuz that would make it weird (?). Besides, most people already know what a naked chick looks like. I have two boobs, a bellybutton, and various other telltale femme-parts. No big surprise. You’re missing the point that the inquiry itself is the insult. Dillhole.

I do hafta chuckle, however, when they get really creative and try to sweeten the pot by promising to send ME naked pictures of THEIR disgusting saggy man-parts in return. Oh jee willickers, REALLY?! I was hoping!!! Cuz Lordy knows it’s such a challenge for a young single girl to find lonely perverts on the internet who are willing to exchange naked photos. Thank you, desperate stranger, for filling that oh-so-infinite void.

Seriously, on behalf of all women, everywhere: Dudes, if you find a girlfriend (or wife) who wants to get playful with you and AS A COUPLE you wanna do stuff like this – go for it! That’s not creepy at all. BUT…..if you display any of the behavior listed above, stop it. You’re pathetic. You’re one step away from being that old man with the popsicles on Family Guy. Imagine some mouth-breathing degenerate treating your sister (or daughter) the same way YOU’RE treating women and if you’re even halfway human, you should suddenly wanna puke.

And ladies: if you’re one of the self-nullifying inbred women who fall for this – you need to stop it too. Put the camera down. Pick up a book, quit hating your Dad, and thank me later for protecting you from an email that will someday inevitably contain glamour shots of “Frisky Frank” on a folding chair in his den, with mini-Frank perched at half-mast (cringe)…. You don’t wanna see that. Trust me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I hafta go buy a digital camera. I just met this dude…… named Frank….. he sounds really cool!

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Listen to the SECRET SHOW here!

I was playing around on my new laptop last night (Thanks Mom!) and discovered a TON of ready to go games in the gaming folder. On my old laptop there were like 5 games and it was the usual stuff like solataire and minesweeper, but this one, holy, Wheel of Fortune, internet checkers, and my new favorite . . . internet CHESS. I tried out each of the games and settled on chess. 2 hours later, I was battling it out with some person who clearly plays more often than I do. New obsession? Absolutely. In the little chat box below the game it would only let me choose predetermined phrases and sentences to send my opponent, so I couldn’t ask where they were from or anything. Our exchange consisted of a lot of “Nice move,” “Thank you,” and “Uh oh” messages. It’s probably a bad sign that i’m itching for the clock to hit 7:30pm so I can go home and play again, huh?

Now i’m starting to understand the addiction people have to World of Warcraft and Call of Duty. 2 hours of play time and i’m hooked.

While we’re on gaming . . . the sweetest freaking video on Youtube today . . . this boy is THRILLED with his XBOX360 Christmas gift.

Confession: since I moved here six months ago, I’ve been driving all over Pennsylvania without having ANY clue what these Red Detour, Blue Detour, Black Detour, Green, Fuschia, Paisley Detour signs mean. What the hell? (BTW I made up those last two). I probably should learn this before I do much more road-running, shouldn’t I? I’m assuming it has something to do with alcohol. Like…. follow the Red signs if you drink regular Budweiser. Blue if you favor Labatts. Black…. duh, Black & Tan. Green, O’Douls. And then the cops just arrest all the “Green sign” people because they’re so stupid. Right? Hahaaaa…am I even close?! Anyway, shoot me an email if you can help me out. lissa@985krz.com

And if you’re a cop, pleeeeease don’t pull me over – I promise I know what all the OTHER signs mean! Or at least most of ‘em…..

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We did our final calculations this afternoon and my fantasy football team (consisting of the hottest players only) LOST to Jeff’s TEAM WALKER. We made a big bet in the beginning. Loser has to ride through a car wash in the middle of winter OUTSIDE of the car. I’ll be fulfilling my end of the bet this weekend. Holy. Wish me luck. Any suggestions what I should wear? I think a parka or poncho should be allowed. Maybe some goggles . . .

Christmas kind of feels like a rollercoaster.  You wait, wait, wait,  get excited, prepare yourself and then BAM, it’s over. It’s always worth the wait though. I hope you a wonderful holiday with friends and family . . . and who doesn’t love a couple days extra off from work? However you spent Christmas, I hope it was a blessed, cherished, memorable couple of days with great people. I feel ridiculously blessed for all of the thoughtful and sweet people in my life. I was brought to tears 3 solid times. I was super excited to spend Christmas with Boyfriend and our families and we managed to make it home through the storm! We had a great time visiting his family in NJ where I tried VEAL for the first time . . .  and they have really fun toys to play with!  Then on Christmas we made it to RI just in time make the kick off of the gingerbread house contest at my aunts. Christmas night ended with a kitchen dance party at my mom’s complete with gingerbread martinis, a small fire in the dining room, and i’m pretty sure the dancing included lighters in hand.

Our house BEFORE . . .

and our house AFTER . . . check out that attention to detail! We won honorable mention for our use of materials and detailing (see the icicles made of sprinkles?!) but we ended up losing in an upset to my cousin from Arizona. The judges were a little partial to the out of towner, but I feel pretty proud of our house! The effort and teamwork was RIGHT ON.

This Christmas also brought me a new hobby . . . photography! Boyfriend surprised me with the most amazing camera for Christmas! I cried. Again. I really need to quit that . . . somewhere along the way i’ve become a total SAP. I can’t wait to get out there and learn how to use all of the super cool functions!

Have you tried just ignoring him? Letting his calls go to voice mail? These are the ideas I throw around when my friend comes to me with yet another tale of her ex’s antics. His behavior IS tiring and childish, but they broke up about four months ago and she’s still ”in” it. He’s still calling her constantly, emailing incessantly, Facebook stalking, the whole shebang. I went through the same thing when I broke it off with my ex about a year ago so I know how she feels. I’m the PERFECT shoulder to cry on, right? Right. Well….almost right. To an extent.

I think there’s a certain “point of no return” with drama. Yes, sometimes it’s thrust upon you when you’re dating, through no fault of your own, but it’s like an Emmy speech: it’s YOUR job to wrap it up as soon as possible and exit with class. She needs to commence wrap-up.

She still takes her ex’s calls on occasion and even RETURNS voicemail messages when he sounds desperate enough (or when he threatens to kill himself – yeah, he’s said that six/seven times by now….sigh). Here’s what I keep telling her: the only solution – the ONLY solution – is a total, all-encompassing, unwavering freeze-out. You do not acknowledge him. You do not speak to him. IGNORE it. Even if he is engulfed in flames on your front lawn, holding a sign that says “need water, promise not to call you anymore…” No. You do NOT acknowledge him. And this will end – I promise you.

Cuz I told her yesterday that I’ve reached my cutoff point with HER. This is it: she gets ONE more bitch session about this and then I’ve officially reached my threshold with the whole ordeal. I’m sick of repeating myself. I feel like a redneck yelling at a foreign person, convinced they’ll finally understand my language if I just keep shouting the same thing over & over but getting progressively louder & slower each time I say it.

Yes, drama sucks. But you know what sucks worse? My friend’s inability to admit that deep down she really likes it. Hardcore. She craves it. She thinks it’s a compliment that this yutz is SO bonkers over her that she secretly doesn’t want it to end. She’s afraid that she’ll never find a sane person who loves her this much. But guess what - she will. As soon as she knocks off this passive aggressive crap. Take it from a person who went through the same thing and only FINALLY saw the light after sending my phone careening through a cow pasture at two a.m. because I just couldn’t STAND another 67 calls from my ex in one day (yes, he actually did that). Rip the bandaid off, my friend. Buy a new outfit, go to Hardware with me Friday night, and let the healing process begin. Cuz seriously – I’m about to throw your %#@& phone in the Susquehanna River FOR you.

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